The Muslim Father I want to be (Hindi/Urdu version)

 Ek sawaal, jiske saath main ek Muslim hone ke naate aur ab dheere-dheere ek father hone ke naate kaafi waqt se joojh raha hoon — Islam mein ek aurat ki asal position kya hai?

Na woh position jo Muslim society use deti hai, na woh jo hamare culture mein uske liye tay kar di gayi hai, aur na woh jo humne bachpan se apne aas-paas ke logon se sunte aur dekhte hue maan li hai.

Balki woh position jo Quran use deta hai, aur woh position jo Huzoor (PBUH) ne apne zamaane mein auraton ko di aur unke saath jis tarah ka bartao kiya.

Main is sawaal ko ab sirf ek Muslim ke taur par nahi, balki ek father ke taur par bhi samajhna chahta hoon. Kyunki jitna main is sawaal ke baare mein sochta hoon aur padhta hoon, utna hi mere mann mein ek aur sawaal uthta hai — kya ek Muslim aurat ko apne aas-paas ke mardon ke neeche, unki subordinate bankar rehna hai? Ya phir woh ek independent moral insaan hai, jiske apne faisle hain, apni zimmedari hai, aur jo sabse aakhir mein khud Allah ke saamne jawabdeh hai?

Jitna main Quran aur Huzoor (PBUH) ki zindagi ko samajhne ki koshish karta hoon, mujhe dheere-dheere lagta hai ki Quran ka direction doosri baat ke zyada qareeb hai.

Allah ke saath uska apna rishta

Shayad sabse basic baat jo hum bhool jaate hain, woh ye hai ki ek aurat ka Allah ke saath rishta kisi mard ke zariye nahi hai.

Woh Allah par isliye imaan nahi laayi kyunki uska father maanta hai. Woh isliye namaz nahi padhti kyunki uska husband namaz padhta hai. Usko sawaab isliye nahi milta kyunki uski family religious hai. Aur woh Allah ke saamne isliye accountable nahi hai kyunki kisi mard ne usko accountable hone ki permission di hai.

Woh khud Allah ke saamne khadi hogi.

Quran baar-baar momin mardon aur momin auraton ko alag-alag, apni zimmedari samajhne wale insaan ke taur par address karta hai.

Misaal ke taur par, Quran ki 33vi Surah ki 35vi ayat mein mardon aur auraton dono ko alag-alag imaan, ita'at, sachchai, sabr, sadaqa, roza, paak-daamani aur Allah ke zikr jaisi qualities ke saath mention kiya gaya hai. Aur conclusion dono ke liye ek hi hai — Allah ne dono ke liye maghfirat aur bada ajr rakha hai.

Aur Quran ki 16vi Surah, 97vi ayat mein kaha gaya hai ki jo bhi nek amal kare, chahe mard ho ya aurat, aur woh momin ho, Allah use zaroor ek achhi zindagi ata karega.

Message kaafi seedha hai: ek aurat ki Allah ke nazdeek value us mard se nahi aati jiske saath woh judi hui hai. Uska Allah ke saath apna rishta hai, aur woh khud Allah ke saamne jawabdeh hai.

Is baat ki ahmiyat shayad pehli nazar mein jitni lagti hai, usse kahin zyada hai. Kyunki agar ek aurat Allah ke saamne khud accountable hai, to uske paas apne faisle samajhne aur unke liye khud zimmedar hone ki bhi gunjaish honi chahiye.

Varna sawaal ye hai ki woh accountable kis cheez ke liye hai?

Agar uske father uske har decision ko decide karein, husband uske har decision ko decide kare, aur society ye decide kare ki woh kya kar sakti hai aur kya nahi, to humein ye poochna padega ki humne use waqai ek aisa insaan maana hai jo apne faislon ke liye Allah ke saamne khud jawabdeh hai — ya phir use mardon ki responsibility ke neeche ek aisi cheez bana diya hai jiske faisle doosre log karte hain.

Islam yaqeenan parents ko apne bachchon ke liye responsibility deta hai. Husband aur wife ke beech bhi responsibilities hain. Families ki bhi ek-doosre ke liye duties hain.

Lekin responsibility ka matlab kisi par ownership nahi hota. Protection aur control ek cheez nahi hain.

Aur religious guidance ka matlab ye bhi nahi hai ki ek mard ko kisi doosre insaan ke conscience par authority mil jaaye.

Aakhir mein, uska Allah ke saath rishta uska apna rishta hai. Aur Allah ke saamne uski jawabdehi bhi uski apni hai.

Quran ne aurat ko apni alag pehchaan di

Quran apne historical environment aur us waqt ki social structures ke muqable mein ek kaafi significant kaam karta hai. Woh aurat ko uski apni legal aur economic identity deta hai — jo us waqt bilkul aam baat nahi thi.

Aurat ko inheritance milti hai. Uski apni property ho sakti hai. Woh jo kamati hai, usmein uska apna haq hai. Use sirf kisi ki property ki tarah inherit nahi kiya ja sakta. Marriage ke andar uske rights hain. Revelation usse directly baat karti hai. Woh moral community ka hissa hai.

Aur sabse important baat — Allah khud auraton ko apne haq mein believers ke taur par address karta hai.

Iska matlab ye nahi hai ki Quran har social responsibility mein mardon aur auraton ko bilkul identical batata hai. Aisa nahi hai.

Lekin ye apne aap mein ek bahut important baat batata hai: Quran aurat ko ek individual identity deta hai — aisi identity jo kisi mard par depend nahi karti.

Prophet (PBUH) ki community mein auratein

Phir jab main Nabi-e-Akram (PBUH) ki community ko dekhta hoon, to tasveer aur bhi interesting ho jaati hai.

Huzoor ke aas-paas ki auratein sirf aisi invisible figures nahi thin jo society se poori tarah gayab hon aur sirf private space tak limited hon.

Auratein masjid bhi jaati thin. Yahan tak ki unhe masjid jaane se rokne se bhi mana kiya gaya. Authentic ahadith mein unka zikr milta hai ki woh Eid gatherings mein jaati thin, Huzoor se directly sawaal karti thin, aur religion seekhne ke liye unhone apne liye ek dedicated din ki bhi request ki — aur Huzoor ne unki ye request maan li.

Woh hadith bhi transmit karti thin, economic life mein bhi participate karti thin, aur military expeditions mein bhi jaati thin, jahan woh nursing aur care ka kaam karti thin. Woh wider community ke saath interact karti thin.

Hazrat Aisha (RA) to early Islam mein khud ek intellectual authority thin. Mard aur aurat, dono unse knowledge lete the.

Gender boundaries ke baare mein hum aakhir mein jo bhi conclusion nikalein, lekin in examples ko dekhkar ye tasveer banana mushkil hai ki ideal Muslim woman woh hai jo society se disappear ho jaaye.

Shayad Prophetic model isse zyada nuanced tha — boundaries ke saath participation, zaroori nahi ki isolation.

Double standard

Is baat ko main ignore nahi kar sakta, aur ek wajah ye bhi hai ki ye matter mere liye personally important hai.

Aam Muslim families ko dekhiye. Unke bete co-educational schools mein jaate hain, ladkiyon ke saath interact karte hain, mixed universities mein padhte hain, women ke saath kaam karte hain, friendships develop karte hain, opposite sex ke saath relationships ko navigate karna seekhte hain. Galtiyan bhi karte hain, aur unse seekhte bhi hain.

Lekin jab baat betiyon ki aati hai, to achanak language badal jaati hai.

Uske kapde family ke honor ka issue ban jaate hain. Mardon se interaction religious crisis ban jaata hai. University, mobility, movement — sab permission ka matter ban jaate hain. Uski social life ko uske bhai se kahin zyada monitor kiya jaata hai. Family ki religious respectability ka burden bhi aksar usi ke kandhon par daal diya jaata hai.

Mujhe nahi lagta ki Quran humein zaroori taur par ye karne ko kehta hai.

Quran mein sexual modesty ki pehli instruction mardon ko di jaati hai — Surah 24, ayat 30: apni nazrein neeche rakho aur apni haya ki hifazat karo. Uske baad agli ayat mein auraton ko address kiya jaata hai.

Ye order important hai.

Agar sexual morality dono ki shared responsibility hai, to phir aisi society kaise theek ho sakti hai jahan mardon ke behaviour ko control karne ka burden bhi auraton par hi daal diya jaaye — ki unhe hi apne kapdon, movement aur behaviour se ensure karna hai ki mard unki taraf na dekhein?

Kya hum jis par zyada control rakh sakte hain, usi par zyada zimmedari bhi daal dete hain?

Aur kya hum apni betiyon ko adult banne ka wahi mauka dete hain jo apne beton ko dete hain?

Ladkon ko bachpan se ladkiyon ke saath normal interaction ka mauka milta hai. Co-education, university, workplace — ye sab unki social life ka normal hissa ban sakta hai. Woh baat karte hain, cooperate karte hain, friendships banate hain, different logon se milte hain. Galtiyan karte hain, boundaries samajhte hain, awkward situations face karte hain — aur dheere-dheere unhe navigate karna seekhte hain.

Lekin ladkiyon ko kabhi-kabhi inhi experiences se “protect” kiya jaata hai.

Phir hum expect karte hain ki ek din woh bhi equally mature, confident aur socially capable hon.

Lekin experience ke bina maturity aayegi kaise?

Agar hum auraton ko society ke aadhe logon ke saath normal interaction ka mauka hi nahi dete, to ho sakta hai hum unhe kuch risks se bacha rahe hon. Lekin ho sakta hai hum unse un risks ko pehchanne, boundaries set karne aur difficult situations ko handle karna seekhne ka mauka bhi cheen rahe hon.

Ek aurat jise kabhi na-mahram mard se baat karne ki permission hi nahi mili, zaroori nahi ki woh mardon ko handle karne mein zyada capable ho.

Ho sakta hai woh sirf less experienced ho. Aur protection aur preparedness ek cheez nahi hain.

Protection control ban sakti hai

Shayad father hone ke naate mere liye sabse mushkil distinction yahi hai.

Main chahta hoon ki apni beti ko protect karun. Main chahta hoon ki woh safe rahe. Main chahta hoon ki woh sexual boundaries samjhe, manipulation ko pehchane, aur ye jaane ki koi bhi mard uski dignity violate karne ka haq nahi rakhta.

Lekin main protection ko uski poori zindagi ko restrict karne ke saath confuse nahi karna chahta.

Kyunki ek din woh ghar se bahar niklegi. University jaayegi. Ho sakta hai kaam kare. Mardon ke saath interact kare. Aise logon se mile jinki values mujhse bilkul alag hon.

Main har jagah uske saath nahi ho sakta. Aur shayad mujhe hona bhi nahi chahiye.

Mera kaam aisi duniya banana nahi hai jahan meri beti ko kabhi koi difficult situation face hi na karni pade.

Mera kaam use aisa insaan banana hai jo difficult duniya ko khud navigate kar sake.

Aur yahin se mere liye ek aur sawaal khada hota hai:

Obedience ka asal matlab kya hai?

Asal mein main apni beti ke liye chahta kya hoon?

Main chahta hoon ki woh Muslim ho. Lekin main ye nahi chahta ki Muslim hone ka matlab mardon ke control mein rehna ho.

Main chahta hoon ki woh namaz padhe, Quran jaane, haya rakhe, modesty ko value kare, sexual responsibility ko samjhe aur Islam ne jo boundaries establish ki hain unhe jaane.

Lekin main ye bhi chahta hoon ki woh padhe, soche, aur agar woh chahe to kaam kare. Confidence ke saath baat kare. Mardon ke saath interact kar sake, unse dare nahi, unki validation par depend na ho, aur zaroorat padne par bina dare apni baat rakh sake. Achhe aur bure logon ko pehchan sake. “No” kehna jaane. Apne decisions khud le sake.

Aur agar kabhi woh religious mistake kare, to use mujhse isliye chhupana na pade ki use darr ho ki uske father usse pyaar karna chhod denge, ya uski wajah se father ki religious standing kam ho jaayegi.

Main chahta hoon ki woh samjhe ki uski zindagi aur uske faislon ki aakhirkaar zimmedari uski apni hai.

Main nahi chahta ki meri obedience, Allah ki obedience ki jagah le le.

Shayad ye mere liye sabse important realization hai.

Agar main apni beti ko bina samjhe sirf meri baat maanna sikha doon, to ho sakta hai main obedience produce karne mein successful ho jaaun. Lekin zaroori nahi ki main uske andar faith bhi paida kar paaya hoon.

Agar woh sirf isliye ek particular tareeke se dress karti hai kyunki main demand karta hoon, to mere na hone par kya hoga?

Agar woh sirf isliye namaz padhti hai kyunki main monitor karta hoon, to jab woh independently rehne lagegi to kya hoga?

Main use kuch zyada gehra dena chahta hoon — ek conscience, Allah ke saath relationship ka ehsaas, reason karne ki capacity, apni dignity ka ehsaas, boundaries ki samajh, aur jab koi dekh nahi raha ho tab bhi responsible choices karne ki himmat.

To shayad sawaal ye nahi hai ki main use kitni freedom doon.

Ye sawaal hi shayad pehle se ye assume karta hai ki uski freedom meri ownership mein hai.

Shayad behtar sawaal ye hai:

Allah ne use kya responsibilities di hain, aur mujhe kya responsibilities di hain?

Father ke taur par meri responsibilities hain — nurture karna, educate karna, protect karna aur guide karna.

Ek Muslim ke taur par uski responsibility Allah ke saamne hai.

Dono responsibilities ek-doosre ko contradict nahi karti, lekin dono identical bhi nahi hain.

Main use bata sakta hoon ki mujhe Islam kya kehta hua nazar aata hai. Main explain kar sakta hoon ki main kisi baat ko kyun maanta hoon. Jab woh mujhe challenge kare, to main uski baat sun sakta hoon. Jab woh chhoti hai, to appropriate boundaries main set kar sakta hoon. Jab woh badi ho jaaye, to main advise kar sakta hoon.

Lekin mujhe careful rehna hoga ki apni interpretation of Islam ko kisi doosre insaan ko control karne ka instrument na bana doon — khaas taur par us insaan ko jo khud Allah ke saamne accountable hai.

Shayad equality ka asal matlab bhi yahin hai.

Equality ka matlab zaroori nahi ki mard aur aurat har situation mein bilkul identical role perform karein. Iska zyada basic matlab shayad ye hai ki dono poore insaan hain.

Dono ke paas apne faislon ki zimmedari hai. Dono ke rights hain. Dono sawaab kama sakte hain. Dono gunaah kar sakte hain. Dono tauba kar sakte hain. Dono ilm haasil kar sakte hain. Dono Allah ke saamne khade honge.

Aur dono ka Allah ke saath apna rishta hai — jo ek-doosre ke zariye nahi chalta.

Aur isliye, agar main chahta hoon ki meri beti ek responsible Muslim bane, to main use sirf mardon ki obedience ke liye nahi bada kar raha. Mujhe use Allah ke saamne responsible banana hai.

Aur mere paas abhi bhi is sawaal ka poora jawab nahi hai.

Lekin ek starting principle ko lekar main increasingly convinced ho gaya hoon:

Ek Muslim mard ko ye poochhne se pehle ki “main aurat ko kitni freedom doon?”, shayad ye poochhna chahiye ki “kya ye freedom kabhi meri thi hi, jo main use dene wala hoon?”

Meri beti meri property nahi hai.

Meri wife meri property nahi hai.

Allah ke saath unka rishta mere control mein nahi hai.

Aur main bhi unka malik nahi hoon.

Aakhir hum sab ek hi Allah ke saamne apni-apni zindagi ke liye responsible hain.

Shayad ek Muslim father ka role apni beti ke chaaron taraf ek cage bana dena aur uska naam protection rakh dena nahi hai.

Shayad uska role hai imaan, ilm, character, boundaries aur courage dena — aur phir trust karna ki woh bhi Allah ki bandi hai, jo apni zindagi ke liye khud Allah ke saamne jawab de sakti hai.

Kam se kam, main aisa father banne ki koshish kar raha hoon.